Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted ~ Matthew 5:4

I never understood this verse. How can you call someone who is mourning blessed? I think someone mourning would think they were anything but blessed.

Then I found out what it really means to mourn. I know what it feels like to be so deep in grief you forget to breath. I know what its like to feel the crushing weight of grief so heavy that you can't breath. I certianly didn't feel blessed. And I still didn't really understand this verse.

Yet, it was in some of those moments of grief, that I felt God's presence and heard his voice. It's hard to describe what it felt like one day to have this overwhelming peace spread through me. To know that it was from God and to hear him tell me he had everything under control. It was a "peace that passes all understanding"(Philippians 4:7) that only God can give.

But I still didn't understand. I'd lost everything that mattered.

Then the other night I was thinking about all the times God came along beside me in my grief, all the people he sent to pray for me and support me and then it dawned on me . . . . I'm not blessed because I mourn, I'm blessed because in my grief God made his presence known and comforted me.

It's in the word "comforted" the blessing lies, not in the mourning. It is an amazing blessing to feel God's presence, especially when he's all you have left. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 

Thank You . . .

Its weird the directions one's life can take. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I had a ready answer for them. But my life has not gone the way I had planned. When everything you know about your life is ripped away, you find yourself on a new path. One you never even imagined.

Sometime last year I started kicking around the idea of going back to school. I was thinking about becoming a counselor so I could help others whose lives had been turned upside down. Yet I didn't think it was something I could . . . or even should do. It seemed like such a crazy idea, yet I was interested in it. Of course I had all kinds of reasons why it was the wrong direction for me. Yet the idea wouldn't leave me alone.

 As it happened one evening in September I was visiting with my college psych professor and his wife. I wanted to talk to him about this idea of becoming a counselor, but felt silly bringing the idea up. Because as I already said, I thought it was a crazy idea.

However, my professor validated my idea so quickly I almost suspect he'd already had the idea himself.  We spent the rest of the evening talking about this crazy idea of mine. By the time I got home it wasn't such a crazy idea anymore and I started looking into applying to graduate school. You can read about that adventure here. I am now about to finish my first semester and am excited about what my future holds.

So I'd like to thank Doc and Anita Bailey for giving me permission to pursue a new direction for my life. It's hard to explain what that one conversation did for me and my willingness to follow what I think  was God's tugging at my heart.

Online Store

As my previous post mentioned I have gone back to school. Turns out books are really really expensive!! I have never understood why text books have to be so expensive. :)  To help offset my school costs, I've decided to open an online store to sell my photos. So if you'd like to help support my school endeavors or just need a pretty picture for your wall, be sure to check out my new store by clicking on the link below.

Thank you

Teresa Hunt Photography - Store

Wow, It's been a while

I knew it had been a while since I posted on my blog, but I had no idea it had been over 2 months. I'll give you a quick update on where I've been. About a week after my last post I found an apartment. I knew it was time to take a step toward a new life and moving seemed to be the easiest way. So I started apartment hunting. It was a very depressing venture. Most of the apartments in my price range were in places I would not live. However one afternoon an apartment within my price range in an area I would live appeared. But the trick was I had to take it right away. So I did. The month of February was spent packing, moving, unpacking and cleaning the old apartment. It was quite the adventure. 

If moving wasn't enough to keep me busy I decided to go back to school. This was a few months in the making as I had to research schools, go through the application process and get accepted. During my very frantic move I found out I was accepted into Multnomah University's Master of Counseling program. Exciting and frightening all at the same time. I spent the month of March settling into my new home and recovering from the shock of having to do homework again. 

Now that my new apartment is mostly unpacked, I hope to settle into a study schedule soon. An assignment for my first class was to create a study schedule that allowed for some balance in life. So I made sure to schedule time for my photography since I think that may be one of the few things that will keep me sane through this intensive 2 year program. Lets just hope the homework doesn't overwhelm me and take control. 

2 Years

2 years ago my life stopped. I've gone 2 years without hearing my son's voices, 2 years without hugging them or telling them I love them, 2 years without reading a bedtime story, 2 years without breaking up a fight, 2 years without their craziness and laughter, 2 years without being called Mom.

It's a heartbreaking thing to have to start your life over with out the people who are most important to you. I've gone through a roller coaster of emotions. My first year I created a book, to help me deal with what I was going through.

This past year I did another project.

My project for year 2

Larch Mountain

Several years about I heard about a place where you could see the entire mountain range, including Mt. Adams, Mt. Jefferson, Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Rainer. For years I kept telling people I wanted to go to Larch Mountain, but no one ever took me. So one Saturday I decided to drive up there myself. Now I'd done a little bit of research, but had no idea it would be a 14 mile drive through a forest before I'd get to the parking lot . . . then I had to find the trail that let to the lookout.

 After walking a bit down the trail I came to the base of some stairs . . . so up I went.

 The view from the top of the first set of stairs was breathtaking!!

It didn't matter which direction you looked there was a fantastic view.

 After climbing the last set of stairs I had a great view of Mt. Jefferson, which was only 62 miles away. However there was enough cloud cover (and smoke from wildfires in Washington) that I was unable to see any of the other mountain peaks. I guess I'll just have to go back!!

 I always find it amazing when I see what appear to be fragile plants growing out of rocks.

Finally the sun started to set and cast a beautiful light on Mt. Jefferson.

However, when I turned around I saw the most beautiful sunset, over the Columbia River Gorge. Watching this sunset felt like being in a dream. I took several pictures, to capture the changing colors. 

 I love the sun rays above the clouds in the above photo. The last photo is my favorite . . . I may have to print this one for my living room wall.

Random Thoughts: Mary's Grief

A few weeks ago I was listening to one of my favorite Christmas CD's. A song titled "Still Her Little Child" came on. As I listened to the song I realized something . . . Mary, like myself and so many mothers I know, was a grieving mother. She watched her oldest son be tortured and put to death in the most horrific fashion. She had to bury her baby boy. For 3 horrible days she knew the unimaginable grief of loosing a child.

 

But Mary received a gift all grieving mothers can only dream of . . . . she got to see her son again. A mere 3 days after being buried, Jesus came back from the dead. What overwhelming joy and relief Mary must have felt.

 

However, several days later Mary lost her son again when he ascended into Heaven. And here is where I'd like to pose a question for your contemplation. Did Mary still grieve the loss of her son after he ascended to heaven? I think she might have. For even though she was able to see her son again, he was still gone. Even though she was able to see Jesus in his full glory, he was still gone. Never again in her earthly life would she be able to talk to, touch, hug or hear her son's voice. In the end that's all we grieving mothers want to do. We want to hold our children, to talk to them, to hear their voice, to smell their presence, to touch them and to have them touch us. We don't cry and grieve for our children. We cry and grieve for the LOSS of our children . . . for what we no longer have. And that is why I think Mary grieved for her son until she joined him.

 

 

* Disclaimer: This post is not meant to be a biblical study to impart truth or doctrine. This is just some of the rambling thoughts I've had as I process my grief. *