I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of the year. Holiday decorations everywhere you go, cold wintery weather inviting comfy sweaters and hot chocolate, and buying gifts for loved ones all make the season special. Christmas magic seems to float in the air.
But since the accident so many things are not the same, especially Christmas. The first Christmas without my boys I couldn't handle it. The thought of waking up to an empty house on Christmas morning was unbearable. So I ran away. As far away from Christmas as I could get. Hawaii with it's tropical warm weather and crowds felt nothing like the Christmas season. It was the perfect escape. (If you want to see my photo's from my trip click here, here, here, or here).
The second year without my boys I couldn't afford to run away again, at least not that far. So instead, I talked my family into running away with me. My parents rented a house in the mountains. We woke up Christmas morning to snow falling and it didn't stop until around 4pm. To this day I believe God sent us snow as a gift. That snow fall made our Christmas perfect.
This year is different. I don't feel the need to run away like I have the last 2 years. Yet I don't really feel the Christmas magic either. I feel like an outside observer. I see Christmas decorations and they surprise me. "Oh ya, it's Christmas", I think to myself. I buy Christmas gifts, admire the lights on houses, and go to Christmas parties, it's just not the same. The magic is gone.
Someday I expect the magic and wonder of the Christmas season will return. But without my boys it will always be different.
I love this photo from their last Christmas. Dawson had been asking Santa for a Lego Mindstorm for at least 2 years, he'd even been saving his own money for just as long. On his last Christmas he opened up his last gift to find a Lego Mindstorm. He was so happy he cried. But my favorite part of this photo is seeing the look on Devin's face. He was just as excited for his brother. That is Christmas Magic.