2 Years

2 years ago my life stopped. I've gone 2 years without hearing my son's voices, 2 years without hugging them or telling them I love them, 2 years without reading a bedtime story, 2 years without breaking up a fight, 2 years without their craziness and laughter, 2 years without being called Mom.

It's a heartbreaking thing to have to start your life over with out the people who are most important to you. I've gone through a roller coaster of emotions. My first year I created a book, to help me deal with what I was going through.

This past year I did another project.

My project for year 2

Larch Mountain

Several years about I heard about a place where you could see the entire mountain range, including Mt. Adams, Mt. Jefferson, Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Rainer. For years I kept telling people I wanted to go to Larch Mountain, but no one ever took me. So one Saturday I decided to drive up there myself. Now I'd done a little bit of research, but had no idea it would be a 14 mile drive through a forest before I'd get to the parking lot . . . then I had to find the trail that let to the lookout.

 After walking a bit down the trail I came to the base of some stairs . . . so up I went.

 The view from the top of the first set of stairs was breathtaking!!

It didn't matter which direction you looked there was a fantastic view.

 After climbing the last set of stairs I had a great view of Mt. Jefferson, which was only 62 miles away. However there was enough cloud cover (and smoke from wildfires in Washington) that I was unable to see any of the other mountain peaks. I guess I'll just have to go back!!

 I always find it amazing when I see what appear to be fragile plants growing out of rocks.

Finally the sun started to set and cast a beautiful light on Mt. Jefferson.

However, when I turned around I saw the most beautiful sunset, over the Columbia River Gorge. Watching this sunset felt like being in a dream. I took several pictures, to capture the changing colors. 

 I love the sun rays above the clouds in the above photo. The last photo is my favorite . . . I may have to print this one for my living room wall.

Random Thoughts: Mary's Grief

A few weeks ago I was listening to one of my favorite Christmas CD's. A song titled "Still Her Little Child" came on. As I listened to the song I realized something . . . Mary, like myself and so many mothers I know, was a grieving mother. She watched her oldest son be tortured and put to death in the most horrific fashion. She had to bury her baby boy. For 3 horrible days she knew the unimaginable grief of loosing a child.

 

But Mary received a gift all grieving mothers can only dream of . . . . she got to see her son again. A mere 3 days after being buried, Jesus came back from the dead. What overwhelming joy and relief Mary must have felt.

 

However, several days later Mary lost her son again when he ascended into Heaven. And here is where I'd like to pose a question for your contemplation. Did Mary still grieve the loss of her son after he ascended to heaven? I think she might have. For even though she was able to see her son again, he was still gone. Even though she was able to see Jesus in his full glory, he was still gone. Never again in her earthly life would she be able to talk to, touch, hug or hear her son's voice. In the end that's all we grieving mothers want to do. We want to hold our children, to talk to them, to hear their voice, to smell their presence, to touch them and to have them touch us. We don't cry and grieve for our children. We cry and grieve for the LOSS of our children . . . for what we no longer have. And that is why I think Mary grieved for her son until she joined him.

 

 

* Disclaimer: This post is not meant to be a biblical study to impart truth or doctrine. This is just some of the rambling thoughts I've had as I process my grief. *